My Life As Yours Featherly
by twoEPICNESSwriters
Summary: In general, Max getting mad at Fang, as usual, etc. *Fang is supposed to be OOC, so don't say we haven't read the books when clearly it says right here he's supposed to be OOC, and we have in fact read the books and we are obsessed with them*
1. Chapter 1

**My Life As Yours Featherly**

**Disclaimers: We own nothing!**

"LOOK THE FAIRLY ODD PARENTS IS ON!" Fang sat on the couch with a bowl of Fruit loops minus milk in his hand, yelling through giggles, "HIS PINK HAT LOOKS SO STUPID!" He picked up a handful of the cereal and threw it in the air like confetti, still laughing.

At Fang's shouting, I ran in, "WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO? Oh no, not the Fairly Odd Parents AGAIN! You do know that you're going to clean this up?"

"NO!" Fang protested, pouting.

I held up a can of French Green Beans, "Don't make me throw this at you," I warned.

"Still not doing it!"

I whipped the can toward Fang's head, it hit the wall and landed on the couch beside him. Fang screamed like a five year old girl and frantically began attempting to slide as far away from the can as possible. He soon realized that he couldn't get very far, so he got up and ran into his room to write depressing poetry.

Nudge's head appeared above the couch, with Fruit Loops in her hair.

"Nudge, what were you doing behind the couch? Wait, I don't want to know." I said to her.

"I was collecti-"

"I don't want to know." I repeated. She shrugged her shoulders and skipped off into her room. I followed her, but went into the room next to hers, Fang's. "I have arrived! Bow down at my presence!"

Fang sat on his bed, the poetry book pressed up on his face, at my announcement, he lowered the book, "Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Show me what you wrote," I ordered. When he just sat there, I walked over there and snatched the book out of his hand.

French Green Beans are Scary

In my dreams we live on a Prairie

Surrounded by French Green Beans and their spork minions

Sometimes we are forced to eat carrots

"Are you kidding me?" I asked. Deciding that this stupid book had to go, I walked over to the window and began tearing out the pages. I was only able to tear out the most recent poem and set it free in the breeze before Fang came over and grabbed the book. I pounced on him, but he lifted up his arm with the book in it so I couldn't reach it. "You seriously thought that lifting the book up would stop me? I have wings you idiot!"

"So do I," he shot back.

"Very true..." so I just continued to jump and try to get the book.

Crash!

"What did you do, Fang?" I asked him.

"Nothing!"

"Oh no, my statue of Fang in my closet fell! Part of his arm fell off! Oh no! I guess I'll just have to make another one." a voice on the other side of the wall said. It was probably Nudge since her room is next door.

Fang and I continued to look at the wall, until we both turned away, met each others gaze, and turned back toward the wall. "Wow, people really need figured out that you're taken," I said, breaking the silence.

"I'm taken?" he asked. Oh that was the last straw, I began slapping him silly. "OW! MAX STOP! OH COME ON! REALLY?"

After about five minutes of slaps, I walked over to his creepy corner, and sat down. The walls were covered with pictures of Hershey Bars and Mickey Mouse, "Wow..."

"Hey! Thats my corner!"

"Maybe next time you'll think about what you say!"

He walked over to me, grabbed my hands, and tried to pull me up. I resisted, and stayed planted on the floor. Until he finally just gave in and leaned down to pick me up. Against my will he grabbed me, we walked over to the bed where he dropped me on the soft blankets. I pushed him away a jumped off the bed. I started tickling Fang. I started hearing giggles from Fang I've never heard before.

I kept on tickling him until he fell to the floor.

"Stop, stop, stop!" he said, laughing.

"You fell to the floor! Ha! You never fall to the floor when you are being tickled because that means you will be tickled even more so ha!"

The door opened, but Fang's giggles were too loud to hear the knob turn, it was Iggy. "Hey Fang, why was I stepping on cereal outside? Were you watching..." he heard Fang and my laughter, and stopped, "what's going on here?" he asked suspiciously.

We both said nothing, hoping he would go away, he didn't. "Fang, Max, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"

Fang looked at me and I started talking, "Ummmmm... nothing. Fang was acting like a jerk, as always," he tapped my arm and gave me a 'are you kidding me?' look, "and I was tickling him."

"Whatever you say..." his voice trailed off as he left the room.

Deciding I needed fresh air after that interesting moment, I climbed out the window, and flew in place for a moment. My eyes were locked on the sun, until I felt something heavy on my back. "RIDE HORSEY!" I heard someone shout.

I could see black wings, and immediately knew who it was. "FANG!" I pushed him off and slowly began lowering myself to the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

**My Life As Yours Featherly**

**Disclaimers: We own nothing! **

"Are you kidding me? What the heck was that? What are you, 4?" I asked when we were finally on the ground.

"I just wanted a horsey ride," he replied sheepishly.

"Let me ask again, WHAT ARE YOU, 4?" I began running away to the forest in the back of the house. Suprisingly, I didn't hear Fang's footsteps behind me. I sank down on the ground by the nearest tree that had a clear view of the house. Another suprise, I didn't see Fang anywhere.

A rustling in the bushes behind me made me jump. "Who's there?" no response, "Who the HECK is there?" Dylan fell out of the bush and onto the ground. "Dylan, why are you here? I thought FanGirl wrote you dying in *Maximum Ride Random Things*, TWICE?"

"She did," he coughed, "But I came to see you."

_Oh he did, did he?_ "Well, you're a little late, I already have a boyfriend." I replied with satisfaction.

"Is it that one kid that left you? Fudge is it?"

"FANG!" I corrected, "and, yes, yes it is. He's four times the man you'll ever be and hes alot awesomer. SO THERE!"

The next few seconds were a blur,

"But Max, I'm ment to be with you. I'm your ture soul mate. I would never leave you for the stupid reasons that Fudge did."

I stood up. "For the last time, his name is FANG! And, you're not my soul mate, you're some creepo who decided to swoop in on me and play Mr. Superman. FAKE!"

The next few seconds were a blur. At one point, I was standing there, hands on hips. The next Dylan's lips were on mine, and his arms around my back. After that, I pushed him away, and smacked him upside the head. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU BEFORE IT GETS THROUGH YOUR ROCK HARD SKULL, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! AND YOU'RE NOT HIM! SO BE A BIG BOY AND-" I was interrupted by Fang coming out of seemingly nowhere, and pouncing on Dylan.

The fight between the two of them has a lot of detail that I have no intention of telling. Let's just say that by the time it was over, Dylan's dead, bloody body lay on the ground. Fang's clothes were ripped and he had a bloody nose, but other than that he was ok. "Well, he's done," Fang concluded when we were walking back to the house.

"Yes, yes it is."

He pulled me toward him and kissed me, as we broke away he said "You're mine and don't ever forget that."

"I won't," I promised, "but now it's time for a... RACE! LAST ONE BACK HAS TO CLEAN UP THE FROOT LOOPS!" I screamed as I flew as fast as I can away.

"NO FAIR! HEAD START!" I head from behind me.


	3. Chapter 3

**My Life As Yours Featherly**

**Disclaimers: We own nothing! **

I ran into the house and onto the couch with the newspaper in my hand and open a few seconds before Fang burst through the door. I could hear his heavy steps as he walked over to me, the paper covering my face. Just as he approached, I lowered it and asked, "Jeez, what took you so long?"

"Hey, look at this," he was pointing to a movie ad on the newspaper page, "We can take everyone to see I Am Number Four tonight."

"Do we REALLY want to take a 7 year old to see a PG-13 movie?"

"Yes, yes we do. Plus, I want to see it so, there!"

"No!" I screamed. At the sounds of my yelling, the rest of the flock filed into the living room where we were sitting.

"What's she yelling about now?" Gazzy asked.

Fang started randomly shaking one hand in Gazzy's direction and making some really weird noise. "So, can we go see it?" Fang asked.

"Absolutely not! We don't even have enough money to buy tickets for one avian American!" I told him.

"But-"

"No!"

"Iggy!" Fang called. Iggy walked right up to Fang.

"What, master?"

"Do you wanna go steal a bag of pretzels from Walmart?"

"Yes."

"'K, let's go. Max, we are going to Walmart to... uh... not steal a bag a pretzels!"

"Steal me a pack of gum while you're there!" I called to him as he got up to get his jacket from the closet.

"Will do." Then, Iggy and Fang left for Walmart.

"Hey, Gaz, wanna go fart on Fang's pillow?" I asked him. The little boy grinned up at me.

"Yes!" he ran excitedly into Fang's room and closed the door.

"Okay, now do we want to get pedicures or manicures today?" I asked Nudge.

"Both!" she screamed.

"Shhh! Gazzy might hear that we are leaving!"

"Sorry, I'm just so happy! I've never had a manicure or pedicure before. It's almost as cool as unicorns, mushrooms, chipmunks, cereal, penguins, monkeys, juice boxes-"

Nudge continued to ramble on and on, causing me to loose train of thought.

We walked out the door, and flew to a nail salon in the next town over. There was a big Justin Bieber nail polish cardboard display that, get this, had a life size cutout of this tween idol. Nudge went nuts. Have you ever see those really corny romance movies where the stars run across the beach to meet each other in a reunion hug? Well I just witnessed this happen with Nudge and a J.B. cutout. It was about the worst thing an eye could see.

The real fun started when Nudge saw all the "pretty colors" that his nail polish came in. "Oh, I WANT THIS ONE! No! This one! WAIT NO!"

Finally I just told her she can't get the Bieber Fever, period. That included no hugging anymore cardboard cutouts of "he who shall not be named", using his nail polish, or listening to the make-up break-up blah he puts out as music.

"WAH!" Nudge cried. After much protest, she finally settled on bight pink. I chose a red with Katy Perry's crackle topcoat. "My nails look sooooooooooooo pretty. I look like a mermaid, wait no a princess, EVEN BETTER... A MERMAID PRINCESS!"

My cell phone started buzzing and I looked to see it was Fang. "How was stealing food items from Walmart?" I asked.

"That's the thing... we got caught. Oh, and I said a nice hello to Sam. Do you remember him? From when we went to school at Anne's"

"You WHAT? WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

"Oh, nothing really. He asked where you were, and if I'd ask you if you still wanted to date him. I told him you're taken and punched him in the nose. His nose is probably broken, and you may get a letter from his lawyer in the mail soon. Nothing major."

"I am going to kill you..." I said as I hung up.

"What up?" Nudge asked.

"Fang and Iggy got caught and Fang punched Sam in the nose. Oh, and we may be getting sued."

"Not cool, dude."


	4. Chapter 4

**My Life As Yours Featherly**

**Disclaimers: We own nothing! **

So, me and Iggy are about to do the thing that we've dreamed about for years, stealing pretzels from Walmart. "Yo, Ig. We need to be stealthy... Think James Bond mixed with Pink Panther, me being James Bond of course!" I pulled on my shirt collar and leaned against a Coke display.

"Wait... whoa whoa whap whap wha," Iggy stopped," I. am. James. Bond.!"

"I AM!"

"No, I AM!"

This argument continued for about 20 minutes until we made a truce saying that no one was James Bond. We both got one of the Hardy Boys.

So, we stealthily made our way back to the snack isle, and sitting in front of us was a pretzel rod just waiting to be stolen. Perfect. I grabbed a bag, and stuffed it under my arm. Just as we were about to exit the isle, I saw a familiar face down at the end. Sam, that jerk who Max almost dated when we went to school at Anne's. "Ig, Sam is down there."

"That dude from the school we went to when we were at Anne's?"

"Do we know any other Sam's?"

"No..."

"Then why would you ask that?"

"Just asking! No need to get snippy! Take some yoga breaths and back away, man."

I began to move as silently as possible backward, it was going better then I thought. That is, until _he_ saw us. He began to walk toward us, and I moved faster and faster. I really didn't want to talk to him. At this point though, I really had no choice, he was right in front of me. "Hey, Max's brother, right. Nick and Jeff, right?"

"You are over using the word 'right' and yes, I am Max's 'brother' and yes, I am Nick and Iggy is Jeff." I was trying to make the conversation as short as possible.

He began looking around, "Is she here? I kinda want to talk to her, and who's Iggy?"

"No one you need to know, and she isn't here." Iggy said.

"Oh, can you ask her something for me?"

"No." I was interested to hear what this dumbo had to say, though.

"Please?"

"Negative."

"Please!"

"No!"

"I'll tell you where Brigid is currently."

"Okay, fine. Wait, why do you know who Brigid is?

"Uh... who's this 'Brigid' you speak of?"

"But you just- oh, never mind. What do you want me to ask Max?"

"Can you ask her if she'll go to Starbucks with me later and if she'll give me a second chance?"

Oh he just unleashed the bad side of a majestic flying panther. "Uh, I would but... There's just one problem with that plan. SHE'S TAKEN SUCKA!" and I punched him in the nose.

His hand shot up to his now bleeding and most likely broken nose. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR? I AM ALSO NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHERE BRIGID IS!"

"Move move move MOVE!" Iggy whispered urgently to me. We slowly began backing up, before breaking out into a sprint.

"SHE LIKES CARIBOU COFFEE BETTER BY THE WAY!" I called back.

We ran straight out the front door, pretzels in hand. The alarm went off, but we still kept going. That is, until we were tackled and cuffed by two security guards. "You are under arrest for theft of a bag of pretzels," one of the cops said.

The other snatched the bag out of my hand, "We're going to need to keep this for evidence."

"Okay, so now a pretzel bag is evidence. What, do you need to dust it for fingerprints? Take a skin sample off of it?" Iggy asked sarcastically.

"Yes, why yes we do," the first cop said, firmly.

"Well, you might want to keep the bag away from your own FINGERPRINTS, and SKIN!"

"We know that stupid adolescent that dresses in black because he thinks he looks cool."

"And has really fine hair, em, em, em-mm." said the other cop.

I made a face and started to scoot away because I was sitting. Plus, I didn't feel like attempting to get up and break the cuffs off my wrists, even though I could easily.

"He's trying to run away!" the creepy cop yelled.

"Get out the secret weapon!" the non-creepy cop shouted.

"Okay!" the creepy cop threw a big Snuggie on me.

"Help! I can't get out!" I screamed. "I'm melting!" Okay, that was a little dramatic...

Then, the police started reciting the "Anything you say will be held against you in court" and then we were put in the back of a cop car.

That's when things started getting really fun. Next thing we knew we were at the police station, making our one phone call. Let me just begin to say, Max was not very happy.


	5. Chapter 5

**My Life As Yours Featherly**

**Disclaimers: We own nothing! **

I stormed into the police station and down to where they were keeping Fang and Iggy. I saw Fang sitting on an uncomfortable looking cot in the corner playing a harmonica, and Iggy laying on the cot on the opposite side of the cell. He bolted up when he saw me, and opened his mouth to say something before I cut him off. "What the heck were you thinking? You two are absolute idiots!"

Iggy was now standing against the metal bars spearating me from the boys next to Fang. "We told you exactly what we were going to do, and you let us go." He defended.

"I thought you actually had enough common sense to not! Oh, and by the way, what did you do to Sam, Mr. Jealous?"

"I am NOT Mr. Jealous. I prefer Mr. Green-with-envy, thank you."

"Wow, you are alot more of a moron then I thought..."

"Okay, whatever, we can debate all this later. Now can you just get us out of this place? I want to be home for Pi Day!" Iggy cheered.

Oh, yah... today was Pi day. But, that's when the devilish idea came to me. "No can do," I reply flatly.

"WHAT?"

"Ain't gonna happen."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"You heard me, as the punishment for the two of yours idiocy, you will stay until tomorrow and miss our amazing celebration. Were going to have pies, balloons with Pi on them, and all of the best things that you will never get to have. Ha ha ha ha ha."

"YOU WOULDN'T"

"Try me." I said crossing my arms.

They knew I was serious, and I completely was. These two think they can punch my ex without anything coming back to bite them? Not a chance. The officer came up behind me. "Are your ready to get them out of here?"

"Actually office, can I keep them here for the night? I think I need to teach them a little lesson..."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay then." He escorts me out, and I blow a smug kiss and wave at the two prisoners for the night.


End file.
